11 Things I Can't Do At Cahill Command
by amianfan102
Summary: Here's a list of things I can't do at Cahill Command, with a backstory for each! Review! It says Sinead and Amy for the characters, but it has all of them.
1. The Little Red Book

**Here you go, FJ! Here's something based off of what I posted on the Message Board about the things I can't do at Cahill Command. This is the first one that was requested by FJ, aka FieryJunior!**

**1) I should not give a certain small red book that was written by Peter Lerangis to Evan. (Ian's was in the hospital for ages...)  
>2) I should not eat ANYTHING that has been inside of Sinead's lab. (I'm still hicupping bubbles...)<br>3) I should not give ANY of the Cahills valium. (Good times...good times...)  
>4) I should not forge Ian's signature on a love letter to Amy. (You should have seen Ian's face when he found out. Of course, he couldn't really do much, seeing as how he was in the hospital...)<br>5) I should not switch out Evan's cologne with my Dream Angels perfume. (Amy was...**_**confused**_**, to say the least...)  
>6) I should not <strong>_**accidentally**_** photo copy Ian's diary and then send it to Dan via email. No matter how much I want to. (Sadly, Ian was out of the hospital when this happened...)  
>7) I should not let Dan anywhere near a Red Bull energy drink. (He was just a blur...)<br>8) I should not turn Hamilton's track suit pink with hearts all over it. (I just need something to work on my clothing designer skills! Wait, what skills?)  
>9) I should not tell Jonah that I think rap is the worst music in the world. (I went online to see what those Shakesperian insults meant. *Shudders* You don't even want to know...)<br>10) I should not give Dan a makeover when he's sleeping, and then post the pictures to his CliqueMe. (I was amused to see that his password is ihateian. As for the pictures, I thought he looked lovely in the blue eyeshadow...)  
>11) I should not introduce any of the Cahills to the amazing world of Fan Fiction. Especially the romance stories. Specifically, Amian ones. (Poor little Ian's in the hospital again. You know, I never knew that it was humanly possible for Dan to laugh that hard and for Amy to blush that shade of red...)<strong>

_The Little Red Book_

I skipped over to where Evan was sitting down on the couch in the C.C.C, submersed in his book. The title read, _Shakespeare's Works: Summarized. _I shuddered to myself. That sounds so boring! Sitting down next to Evan, I smiled sweetly.

"Oh, hey, Dani," he said, giving me a quick glance. I whipped the book out of his hands and slid it across the floor of the room.

"Hey," Evan protested, giving me an annoyed look. As he started to get up, I grabbed his hand and yanked him back down onto the couch.

"I have something much more interesting for you to read instead," I told him, brandishing the little red book I had in my hands.

It was sleek, and shining, with the words, _The Sword Thief, _plastered across the front along with a huge, blue 39.

"The Sword Thief?" Evan questioned, taking it from my hands.

"Be careful with it!" I snapped. "It's important!"

"What is this?" he asked incredulously, turning the book around and reading the back summary. I decided I'd let him figure it out, I mean, he's supposed to be smart, right?

Evan let out a gasp and said, "Oh, so this is one of the books that was written by the Cahill authors? I've heard it contains all of their thoughts and feelings."

His voice sounded almost awe-struck as he said this. I nodded with a big grin on my face. "Yep, and this is one of the best! This is the third book, when Amy and Dan go to Korea and make an 'alliance' with the Kabras. Read it, I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it."

His face creased into a frown and I skipped out of the room, throwing a "Ta-ta!" over my shoulder as I went. But instead of going downstairs, I shut the door and peeked through the crack in the door. Evan opened the book and started to read. He wasn't as fast at it as I would have thought. But it didn't take too long for him to get to the part I saw that was marked with a small blue Post-It note.

I tried not to giggle too hard as Evan's eyes scanned the chapter. His face had been growing increasingly more and more red since the Kabras had first appeared in the book, but by this point, he was fuming. I could practically see steam shooting out of his ears, and by now, I was practically rolling on the floor laughing.

Now, being the thoughtful person I was, I decided I would lend a hand to poor, fuming, Evan. I slowly tip-toed down the stairs and into the living room, where Amy was sprawled out on the couch with an Encyclopedia in hand. She looked up as I walked in, still giggling from Evan's near atomic explosion.

"Hey,Dani," she said, giving a small wave.

"Hi, Amy. Have you seen Ian around?" I asked her, probably sounding drunk from my laughter. Amy gave me a weary look; she was probably remembering all the other pranks I had pulled on Ian during my two week long stay at the C.C.C.

"He's upstairs in his room," she told me. "What are you going to do to him this time?"

I let out a small titter and said, "Oh, nothing _directly. _But your boyfriend might." Amy just gave me a weird look and said, "Whatever you say, Dani. Just try not to put him in the hospital."

"I'll do my best," I told her, trying to keep a straight face. It failed. I popped a piece of Blue Raspberry Dubba Bubba in my mouth and made my way to the staircase.

I basically flew up the stairs and invited myself into Ian's guest room. He was sitting at his desk, writing in a small, black, leather bound notebook.

"What are you doing in here?" Ian yelped, slamming the journal closed.

I walked up to the desk and plopped down on the floor next to him. With a _Pop, _I popped a bubble gum bubble in my mouth. "Not much, I just figured that you deserved a fair warning before Tolliver comes and tries to murder you," I told him, snapping the gum in my mouth.

Ian frowned and then chuckled in amusement. "And what makes you think that he _can _and _would_ try to kill me?" he asked.

"Oh, I dunno, but I've heard that being angry can make people go a little crazy," I told him, blowing a big bubble in Ian's face, and making a huge _SNAP _sound when it popped. You know I just _had_ to laugh when he flinched back and grimaced.

"Why is he angry?" Ian questioned, giving me disgusted look.

"Weeellll, I don't know if you deserve to know," I taunted him.

"Tell me, or you die," he threatened, throwing me his Cahill-famous smirk that made _me _want to kill him.

"Sorry, Euro-boy, no can do. Actually, I want to. I gave Evan one of your guys' book about the Clue Hunt," I informed him, drawing spirals in the plush blue rug.

At Ian's questioning look I decided to give him the rest of the details. With a Kabra-worthy smirk on my face, I said, "It's the one about when Amy, Dan, Alistair, and you and your sister went to Korea."

I saw his face pale slightly and felt satisfied. (If you couldn't tell, annoying Ian was my favorite thing to do in my free time.) "So, maybe you want to leave, _el rapido_," I said, faking a Spanish accent and rolling my _rrrr. _

"No chance, Dani," Ian said, getting up and walking out of the room. "I think I can handle _Miss _Tolliver."

My lips curled up in a smile and I said, "Nice one, Mr. Snake, but I think you may want to go hang by Amy, because I don't think that Evan will hurt you too bad in front of his girlfriend."

Suddenly we heard a thump upstairs, and I flashed Ian a thumbs-up sign as he fast-walked down the stairs. I was just about to leave when I remembered his journal. With a glance around to make sure no one saw, I slipped the small leather book into my hands and tossed it into my room on the way down the stairs. When I got to the living room, I saw Evan throw a punch at Ian's face while Amy just watched awestruck from the couch. I heard a _crack _and saw Ian grab his nose.

"You psycho!" Ian yelled, pinching his nose to stop the blood flow.

Evan pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose angrily and yelled, "That's what you get for what you did to Amy!"

Amy's hand flew to her mouth to cover her shock, and my guess, grin. Then she got up and went to examine Ian's nose.

"Hang on, I think it may be broken," she said, touching it gingerly.

"Ouch!" Ian yelped and then said, "Sorry."

I could have sworn he said, 'Sorry, love', but really quiet.

"Come one Ian, we should probably get you to a hospital," Amy said, leading him to the door.

I followed, watching as Ian's glare softened and he looked happier. I smiled lightly. As much as the guy irritated me, I thought that his crush on Amy was really cute. Everyone deserves happiness, right? Evan looked like a volcano had gone off in his head as he marched out of the door behind Amy.

Sneaking up behind him I said, "And where's my book?"

Evan looked at me and paled a bit. "Ah, well, it may have gotten slightly…_damaged._"

Not knowing what that meant, I shot up the stairs and into the C.C.C. where Evan had been reading. The red shiny cover had been ripped from the pages and was sitting by the wall. Most of the pages were scattered throughout the room, and the Post-It note was nowhere to be seen.

I let out a gasp and then screamed, "TOLLIVER, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

I heard the door slam downstairs, but I was already planning my revenge.

Watch out Tolliver.

**Review, cause it's not over! **


	2. Bubbly Bananas

**Here's the next part! In case you're wondering, when I say something about Hawking, I mean the scientist, Stephen Hawking. At least I think that's his name. **_**O_o**_** I had a lot of fun writing this one, so please review!**

_Bubbly Bananas_

I followed Sinead into the lab as I rambled on about the Information Paradox.

"And so, apparently, as soon as info hits a black hole, it's lost. But that doesn't work, because the entire scientific _everything _is based off the fact that information can't be lost, and-," I ranted, waving my hands around to prove a point.

Sinead interrupted me just as I was explaining the confusion and said, "I get it, Dani. And believe me; I know more about it than Hawkins himself."

I pouted, and said, "Whatever. So can you show that new formula for the time traveling theory?"

Sinead rubbed her temples like she was getting a head ache and said, "For such a smart girl, you sure do talk _a lot._"

I nodded happily and trotted off to look around the laboratory, theory completely forgotten. The genius Ekat had test tubes and gigantic microscopes and machines packed into every corner of the large room. Slowly and deliberately, I walked slowly up to a machine with a plate of bananas sitting on a plate next to it with a note that said, "Absolutely bubbly!" You know I just couldn't help myself, and I grabbed one off the pile and tore it open.

"Wow!" I murmured to myself. It was kind of tart, and not the flavor that I would expect from a banana. I finished it off happily and bounced over to Sinead, feeling light and airy.

"Hey, Sin-_HIC_," I said, getting interrupted by a huge hiccup. "What the heck!" I yelped, seeing a big, pink bubble float out of my mouth. "_HIC, HIC!" _I let out a few big bubbles, all different colors and asked, "Sinead, what's happening?"

Sinead gave me an odd look and then laughed. "Dani, you ate one of the bananas, didn't you?"

I glanced up sheepishly and nodded. "They just-_HIC- _looked so good!" I defended.

Sinead kept laughing as I hiccupped a couple of more times, and the rainbow bubbles came floating out of my mouth. In a huff, I turned on my heels and exited the room. I nearly ran right into Evan as he was coming in. When I opened my mouth to say hello, all that came out was a hiccup and couple of purple and orange bubbles. Evan laughed and said, "You touched the bananas, didn't you?"

"Does everyone know about the bubbly bananas?" I asked angrily, throwing my arms up in the air while giving a hiccup. This time, the bubbles were a florescent yellow. Evan nodded and gave a small; wave as he walked into the lab.

I flew down the stairs in a rush and saw Dan lounging on the couch. "Hey," I told him, sitting down next to him. Of course, I let out a huge _HIC _and a couple of green and blue bubbles floated out.

"Ack!" I yelped, covering my mouth in embarrassment.

Dan started laughing and said, "Was it the bananas?"

"Yes, it was the bananas," I said angrily, jumping up and running down the stairs.

I slammed the door of my room shut and fell onto the bed in a huff. Good thing Ian was still getting an x-ray at the hospital, or else I never would have heard the end of it.

**Review! **


	3. Valium

**Sorry if I got some valium facts wrong, I'm not an expert on the stuff. This chapter was hard but very fun to write! Enjoy and review! =D**

_Valium_

I slowly slipped through the cracked door of Sinead's lab. I had an ingenious way to get back at the Cahills for being so mean about the bubbly bananas. And, to make it better, revenge was going to be a lot of fun, as well. The wall had a large shelf on it, covered in bottles and beakers and various jars filled with brightly colored liquid. One was not see-thru and was marked _Diazepam. _I knew this was another name for valium. It had the same properties as laughing gas, and I figured that this would be a good laugh. Downstairs a door slammed, and I shot out of the room quickly, black plastic bottle in hand.

"I'm back," Amy called.

As slyly as possible, I slipped the small bottle into my pocket as I ran down the stairs.

"Amy!" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air. "Where's Ian?"

Amy grinned and said, "Maybe I shouldn't find it funny, but the guy who was checking out Ian's broken nose accidently shot him with some of the anesthetic. He's going to be out cold for a little while, so he'll come back tomorrow."

Dan had wandered in during Amy's little speech with a half full glass of lemonade. "Perfect," I murmured quietly. He set the glass down and went over to Amy to mock Ian with a British accent.

When they weren't looking, I untwisted the cap of the bottle and saw that the valium was in liquid form. I didn't know it was like that. Anyway, I poured some of it into his cup and then shoved it into my pocket before they could see. Then, I went into the kitchen and got some drinks for everyone. In each one, I put a few drops of the valium in. I heard Hamilton, Jonah, and Sinead arguing about one thing or another as they came into the kitchen.

"Hey, guys!" I chirped, shoving the soda in front of them. They all said Hi and then took a couple of sips of the drink. Except for Jonah, who said, "Sorry, yo, but I don't do Pepsi." I nodded, okay with that. Alright, so one Cahill wouldn't be loopy and high, but it would be a lot of fun revenge on the others!

Within a couple of minutes, Sinead and Amy were giggling on the couch, joking about some idiotic thing. Dan was rambling on about ninjas to Hamilton, who was just airily staring into space with a blank look on his face. Jonah was watching it with me, when he suggested, "We need a camera. Now."

I raced upstairs and grabbed my Nikon, turning it onto Video with a flourish. Then, I raced downstairs to the Cahills.

Amy stumbled up to me, twirling a piece of hair between her fingers. She giggled as I turned the camera on her and said, "Am I gonna be on TV?" in a slurred voice. I covered my mouth to hide my grin and replied, "Oh, yes! Why don't you and Sinead strike some model poses for the people?" Amy and Sinead nodded enthusiastically, and Jonah helped by making the runway beat you always hear. "Nst, nst, nst, nst," he said, obviously trying not to crack up. Sinead did a dramatic twirl and almost fell over. Amy just strutted around with her nose in the air, tripping every couple of steps. Eventually, Sinead said, "Dani, what kinda drink was it?" with a happy look on her face. "Just Pepsi," I replied. "Not valium or anything," I added, giving her a smirk. Her look turned confused and she muttered, "Valium? I know that stuff…crazy right? Wait, valium? Dani!" Suddenly her gaze became more focused and she glared at me weakly. "Valium," she repeated.

Dan wandered over to me and said, "Hi, Dani! Did you know we have the same name?" Then he burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. Jonah burst out laughing as well, while my camera filmed the scene. I didn't see Hamilton anywhere, but I wasn't too worried.

A couple of hours later, I was leaning against my door, while attempting to shove the dresser in front of it at the same time.

Sinead's voice rang out clear as she yelled, "Dani, I am going to get you! And then I'm deleting that video!"

Amy shouted in agreement and I glanced at my computer desk where Jonah was typing rapidly into the computer. When my dresser was firmly planted in front of the door, I rushed over and saw that he had just uploaded the video and posted it on Sinead's CliqueMe profile.

"This. Is. Epic," I said grinning.

**Please review! Whoever does gets a virtual bag of candy. And yes, I have lowered to bribing people for reviews! Hahaha, just kidding! But yeah, review! XD**


	4. Signed, Ian

**This one definitely is not my favorite, but I didn't think it was that bad! So, please review! Enjoy, and in case you haven't noticed, I update this story every night.**

_Signed, Ian_

I giggled with Dan as I typed up the last sentence of the fake letter and hit Print.

_And so I hope you understand, I love you. –Ian_

"I don't know why I'm helping you," Dan complained.

"Oh, what, you're not over the valium thing? Cause you should be! It was a whole 12 hours ago, "I told him, giving a sharp look. "And besides, you were planning on doing this sometime anyways. You just needed a women advisor."

Dan nodded and reread the paper, a smile broad on his face. "Now, you have the cologne?" I asked.

He smiled and pulled out a small blue bottle from his pocket. It smelled like clove, and it was Ian's. Sure, I knew no guy would ever spritz the paper with it like a girl would, but I just needed it to smell like Ian had been near the love letter. So, I sprayed some on my hands, and wiped it across the newly printed paper.

"There," I said, satisfied with my work. Then, I grabbed a pen and slowly copied Ian's neat signature. I thought that it looked perfect.

"What do you think?" I asked, holding it out at arm's length.

Dan gave an appreciative nod and said, "Great. Now, let's just go find Amy…"

A couple of hours later, Amy, Dan, Evan, and I were standing outside of the door to Ian's room in the hospital. I gave Dan a wink and then told Amy that I was going to the bathroom. Then, I took the back way into Ian's room.

Cobra was reading a book that Amy had brought him so he wouldn't die of boredom. His bag was lying open, and I quietly slipped the fake love letter into the very front. Then, I ran silently back to the group. Ian walked out a minute later. Sadly, I thought, he was dressed in his normal clothes. He being in hospital scrubs would have given me a direct pass to tease him mercilessly forever. That, and his diary, of course.

"Can you watch this for a moment?" he asked Amy, handing his lightly packed bag to her. Then he turned around and went back into the room to get his coat.

Amy looked down at the bag and seemed to notice the letter sticking out. Evan had cleared off so that he wouldn't have to see Ian, and I thought that that was just perfect. Of course, Amy was too polite to grab the letter out, so I snatched it from the front pocket and shoved it into her hands.

"It's addressed to you," I informed her, a serious look on my face.

Curiosity got the best of her and she tore it open. Then, she took out the paper and read it in a flourish. Her face paled and then reddened, causing Dan to start cracking up behind her; silently, of course. We had to keep a cover.

"What the-"I covered Amy's mouth with her hand, not sure of what she was going to say.

"What's wrong?" I asked, taking the letter from her. I read it over, already knowing what it was going to say, but still letting out a huge bout of giggles.

"Awww, Amy! Ian has a crush on you," I giggled, poking her playfully in the arm.

Amy's gaze wavered, and then she put a triumphant look on her face. "I know you did it, Dani."

My facial expression didn't waver and I kept giggling. "Sure, Amy. You're just in denial."

"I know that you took acting classes, so you can lie like a rug, but Ian would never write this. It's not his style," Amy persisted stubbornly.

I nodded, "Yeah, it's true that I can lie like a rug."

This confused her. "Wait, so you're admitting that you can lie well? That's the worst way to give yourself away."

"I didn't say that. Wait, what?" I asked, putting on a puzzled expression.

Amy just looked confused and shut her mouth as Ian walked out. Dan gave me a puzzled look and I mouthed, _Reverse psychology. _

"What is the meaning of this?" Dan demanded, snatching the letter from Amy and showing it to Ian. His face turned red like a tomato and he sputtered, "I didn't write that!"

Dan started cracking up at his perplexed face. Ian examined the letter and then gave me a triumphant grin. "I have proof. I always underline my signature."

I snatched the paper and looked at the signature. "Crap!" I muttered angrily. Our scheme had failed.

Dan just laughed and said, "Okay, we were caught. But your face was priceless, and you totally fell for it, even if it was just a little bit!" Suddenly, Evan came around the corner. I stuffed the paper in my back pocket as everyone gave me a panicky look.

"Why do you guys look so guilty?" he asked us, shoving passed Ian and down the hallway.

"Don't tell him!" Both Ian and Amy said at the same time.

I shoved my hand in my pockets as I replied, "Of course not!" as sweetly as I could managed. They nodded, relieved.

Little did they know, my fingers were crossed in my pockets.

**REVIEW! =D**


	5. Evan's Angels

**INFO TO KNOW: I forgot to do the disclaimer. I do not own Pepsi, Valium, Dream Angel perfume, or the 39 Clues. This chapter bored me, but maybe it's just me. I promise that the next one will be better. **

_Evan's Angels_

I sniffed angrily as I snuck into my room. It was one o'clock in the morning, and I was plotting revenge on Evan for blurting out that I still slept with some of my stuffed animals. Apparently, he had noticed when I had talked to him a couple of days ago, but…

Cough, stalker, cough.

So now, I wanted revenge. It seemed like I was on a revenge mission _a lot_ at this house. My master scheme had only taken a minute to come up with. Surprising news: Evan wears fancy cologne like Ian. Well, alright! This was going to make my job so much easier.

I grabbed Evan's now empty cologne bottle, and dumped my Dream Angel's perfume into it. The flowery, chemically scent wafted up into the air, and I smiled. This was going to be an interesting prank.

Carefully and quietly, I slipped into Evan's room and put the bottle exactly back wear it had been in his bathroom. Yes, he was staying at Cahill Command almost permanently. His parents thought that he was at computer camp for two weeks. Nerds.

I went to bed, thinking about how tomorrow would play out.

A couple of hours later, I woke up. I snatched my phone off the bedside table and saw that it was eight in the morning. So, I got up, changed into a pair of white sweat pants and a tie-dye shirt, and hopped down the stairs. I mean _literally hopped_, by the way.

Downstairs, breakfast had already started, and I drifted over to the table. Everyone was up except for Evan, and they were eating chocolate chip pancakes that Sinead had made. I sat down, giving everyone a Hello and a smile. But my inner evil gears were turning, waiting for Evan to come down.

I got my wish as Evan came down the stairs. A couple of giggles came out, and Ian gave me an odd look, but decided not to question. Good choice. When he entered the room, Amy leaped up and gave him a small peck on the cheek. Then, her face became very confused. She sniffed his hair and said, "Um, Evan, what kind of cologne are you wearing?"

Evan frowned and said, "The one you got me, duh."

Amy shook her head and said, "No, you smell like Dani's perfume that she wore to that fancy dinner. Remember, the one that Dan said made her smell like a girl?"

I frowned at the memory. I had come off as such a tom boy, that when we all went to the fancy Madrigal dinner thing, Dan had said that my perfume made me smell like a girl.

Evan's eyes went wide and he sniffed his arm. I think everyone else noticed too, because Sinead, Jonah, and Hamilton all snorted in amusement. Ian just smirked and said, "Well, Tolliver, I actually don't know what to say this time."

I decided to put my acting skills to the test and said, "You stole…my _perfume_?" with a shocked expression on my face.

Dan and Hamilton both started laughing as Evan sputtered, "No…I mean, I don't know… I thought…" Then, his eyes narrowed. "Dani?"

"What?" I asked innocently. Then, realizing defeat, I just smirked and said, "Karma, buddy."

This caused the whole table to erupt in laughter. Except, Evan, of course.

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	6. Dear Journal,

**Oh, Ian. Next time, find a better spot to hide your diar- cough,_ journal_. **

_Dear Journal,_

Remember when I stole Ian's journal? Well, I had been so caught up in my pranking that I had forgotten about it. So one night, I just sat down in my room and read it. My favorite entry was from recently when Ian had been complaining about how irritating Evan and I were. I also loved the one where he was saying that Amy was possibly the most 'intriguing girl he had ever met, and that he wished that he had gone through with his plan to tell her he liked her before Evan butted in.' Oh, Ian.

Dan walked in to tell me that dinner was ready, only to find me falling off my bed laughing at some of the things that Ian had said.

"What now, Dani?" he asked, giving a mischievous grin.

Wordlessly, I held up the leather notebook that had Ian's initials embedded in golden cursive at the bottom. I was still laughing, imagining Ian's face when he found out.

Dan's eyes widened and he said, "That's not-"

"It is!" I yelled, giggling harder.

"Lemme see it!" he said, making a grab for it.

I held it behind my pillow and said, "Uh uh uh, Danny boy. This is going nowhere. I'll photocopy it onto my laptop and send it to you. He has such neat handwriting, I'm sure that you'll be able to read it."

Dan nodded and said, "It looks like girl handwriting."

We ran down to dinner, occasionally cracking up when we looked at each other. At one point Amy said, "I know that laugh, guys. Who are you pulling a prank on now?"

Looks of pure innocence made their way onto our faces and I said, "No one. We were just on YouTube earlier, and we kind of have this inside joke where-"

Amy held up her hands, seeming to sense one of my fifteen minute long rants about the subject. "Okay, Dani. But if I find any more frogs in my dresser, it's on both of your heads."

I smiled and went back to my pasta.

Later that night, I was in my room, slowly scanning the papers from Ian's 'journal'. I don't know, it just looked like a diary to me.

I attached them to an email to , and hit SEND. It made a satisfying whooshing noise as it sent.

The next morning I woke up to Saladin in my face.

"Mrrp," he said, flicking his tail at my eyes.

"I'm up, I'm up," I muttered, yawning. My eyes fell on Ian's journal next to me, and I grinned. Suddenly, I heard an outraged yell from Ian's room. Uh-oh. It seemed as though Cobra had noticed his missing diary.

"DANI! COME HERE THIS INSTANT!"

As I stuck my head out of the door, I saw Sinead's grinning face across the hall. "What did you do this time?"

I smiled as I made my way down the hall in my blue fuzzy slippers and fluorescent yellow shorts. "Not much. Just stole his diary, emailed the photocopied entries to Dan, and probably embarrassed him like you wouldn't believe."

Sinead shook her head with a smile and shut her door.

I, however, pushed open Ian's bedroom door to see him tearing apart the drawers of his desk.

"Where. Is. My. Journal." His voice was venomous, but I just smiled.

"You mean, this one?" I taunted, waving it in front of him with a sly grin. I figured then would be the time to cackle evilly. So, I did.

"Yes, that one!" Ian yelled, grabbing it out of my hands. I let him and watched in amusement as he flipped through it. "What did you do with it?"

I shook my head, but pulled my iPod out of my shorts pocket as it let out a chime. I saw a message from CliqueMe that read: _Dan Cahill sent you a message: Dani! I posted some select entries to his profile page!_

I laughed and said, "Me? I did nothing, er, at least not really anything. But Dan has just uploaded a few photocopied pages to your CliqueMe page!"

Ian's face paled significantly and he opened his laptop that was sitting on the desk. It opened up to his profile page and I saw the link for the post, which already had 47 likes and 93 comments.

I decided that now would be a good time to make a run for it.

"DAAAAANI!"

**Ian sounds like Dave from Alvin and the Chipmunks... "DAAANNI!" as opposed to, "ALLLVIIN!" Hahaha... Review, my wonderful fanfiction-ers, review!**


	7. Red Bull

**I don't own Red Bull. If I did, I would be certifiably insane. So, I guess that's a good thing that I don't. Sadly, I still don't own the 39 Clues! At least...not yet. *Evil laugh* _Not yet_...**

_Red Bull_

Dan and I dashed into the open doors of the convenience store. "So what are we gonna get?" I asked him, referring to the wad of cash he had stuffed in his hand.

He shot me a devious Dan smile and said, "Hamilton dared me to drink five cans of Red Bull energy drink. Have you heard of it?"

A tingle went down my spine, remembering the last time I had drank Red Bull. "_Skiing…black diamond…broken arm…75 miles per hour…_" I muttered, shaking my head. Then, I snapped back to reality and said, "Yeah, I've heard of it."

Dan gave me an odd look and continued to reach for the pack of energy drinks. I watched from a distance, already planning on how I would cut the video footage together to get good blackmail when he went loopy and high from the drink.

We left the store and ran back to the house. As soon as we walked in, Hamilton materialized next to me and said, "So, you got the energy drinks?"

Dan nodded and said, "And _you_ got the twenty bucks?"

"You're paying him twenty bucks to do this?" I asked doubtfully.

Ham nodded solemnly and said, "Of course. Better entertainment than TV."

"Interesting idea," I mused, giving him a nod of approval.

He led Dan to the kitchen when I remembered my camera. "Wait!" I shrieked, running upstairs to get my little blue camera.

"Okay, I'm back. No need to worry," I joked, coming to a stop in the kitchen door.

The boys were sitting, now accompanied by Jonah, at the table. Dan snapped open the tab of the first one and chugged it down. "Tastes like blueberries!" he exclaimed, already opening the second.

I filmed as they cheered him on**—**and the fun part hadn't even begun! Dan was visibly vibrating when he finished off the last one. Then, he just sat there for a moment.

_The calm before the storm, _I thought, zooming in on his face.

Then, Dan erupted. He jumped up on the table and took a running leap off into the air. I tried to keep up as he zoomed outside to the porch.

"I FEEL LIKE I COULD RUN FOREVER!" Dan yelled as he ran around the yard.

"He's gonna have a massive headache later," I told Jonah, who just shrugged this fact off while laughing along with Ham.

Dan scaled one of the trees and then took a flying leap off of one of the lower branches, and tumbled onto the ground. I figured he would be hurt, but he just bounced up and sprinted over to me.

"Dannnni! T-this is soooooo c-c-cool!" His voice was stuttery because his mouth wasn't keeping up with his brain. "I-I-I feeeel l-l-like I c-could f-f-fly!"

Jonah and Ham were doubled over laughing and I told him, "Let's not try to find out if you can. As cool as it is, I don't think you want another cast to add to your collection."

Dan's eyes lit up at the mention of his collection.

"D-d-do you t-think I-I-I c-could, t-though?"

I shook my head forcefully and Dan wilted a little bit. Then, all flying thoughts forgotten, he ran off again with his arms outstretched like an airplane.

Each of those drinks promise about five hours of energy. He drank five. Do the math. Thankfully, it wore off after a couple of hours on supercharged.

I woke up the next morning after chaotic dreams, most of which included a flying Dan with airplane wings, being chased by giant red bulls.

Downstairs in the living room, Dan was conked out on the sofa with Amy sitting next to him. When I came over he opened his eyes and moaned, "I feel like someone just crashed two symbols with my head inside."

Amy gave me a grin and said, "The guys told me about his dare. I told him it's his own fault for doing it."

I laughed with her about it while Dan protested by holding up his twenty dollar bill.

"Yeah, it's my fault. But it was worth it!" he said.

Amy and I just rolled our eyes and said, "_Boys!_"

**REVIEW! (*.*) That's a smiley face by the way... Isn't it weird looking? I think that it looks possessed. O.o**


	8. Dani: Fasion Designer Extraordinaire

**Sorry it's been sooo long guys! But , here's the next one! I think I'm gonna post another one after this... (today.)**

_Dani: Fashion Designer Extraordinaire_

Oh crud. Okay, so how had this happened? I looked over the used to be light gray tracksuit, only to find it pink.

"Oh my Lord, Hamilton is gonna murder me," I murmured, taking careful note to remove all socks (especially red ones) from the washer before starting it,

That was an understatement. Hamilton had loved this thing. But now…

I sighed. Freaking out over a mistake was not going to fix this problem. I grabbed the running attire, then noticed a small box marked, EMBROIDERING, sitting on a shelf in the laundry room. Gears were already turning in my head, and I took the box down from the shelf, and headed to my room with the pink tracksuit and embroidering kit.

Note to all Project Runway fans: Sewing and embroidering and all that fashion designing nonsense is harder than it looks.

But somehow, I managed to complete my trial project on Ham's tracksuit. It was now covered in red, white, and pink hearts, and on the back, I had sewn the word CUPID on in big white lettering.

I lied it down on my floor and took a good look at it, just as Amy walked in.

"What on earth is that?" she asked, looking at it.

I smiled sheepishly. "Well, you know Sinead's pair of red socks?"

She nodded.

"Well, one accidentally got left in the washing machine, and I guess no one noticed, so they put the load in the drier. And now, well, that used to be Ham's light gray track suit."

Amy gaped at it and then laughed. "Why'd you put the hearts on it?" she asked, picking it up and looking at it.

I shrugged. "Have you ever heard the expression, if you can't beat em', join em'? Well, I decided to embellish it. Now I just need a way to break it to him that his tracksuit is now fit for cupid to wear."

Amy grinned. "I think I might be able to help."

We wrapped it in a box and put a small Nerf gun in it, all the foam bullets painted pink and white. Next, we called everyone downstairs to give it to Ham.

He took the box cautiously, and then opened it up. For a moment, he just sat there. Then, he looked at me all funny and said, "What is that?"

"The offspring of a light gray tracksuit and bright red sock," I told him sheepishly. "And the hearts just add to the look."

Ham took a deep breath, and pulled it out.

Immediately, everyone fell over laughing. I had pinned mini wings to the back, on either sides of the word CUPID.

While Ham was gawking at it, I silently pulled out the Nerf gun and handed it to him.

"What's this for?" he asked, angrily gritting his teeth.

"So you can fulfill your job of shooting people with love!" I bubbled happily, skipping around the room, pretending to shoot people.

He stood up real slow, and pointed the gun dramatically at me. _At my face. _

"Oh, crud," I said, as he pulled the trigger. It hit me in the face and I fell on the ground theatrically.

"That was most definitely _not_ filled with love," I moaned, rubbing my nose.

**Reevvviiieeeewww! **


	9. You FlapDragon!

**Here you guys go! Sorry I didn't update when I said I would, but I got side-tracked! I hope you enjoy this one.**

**Disclaimer: Now, let's use our brains. I'm quite sure that you are all painstakingly aware that none of us on this site owns the 39 Clues. Or iPods. Or Google. Or...Shakespeare.**

_You Flap-Dragon!_

"ACK!" I fell off the couch as the song blasted into my ears, via the iPod head phones. A slur of words, riddled with a heavy beat and meaningless sentences blocked out the rest of the world as I fumbled with the iPod to turn down the volume.

Jonah strolled into the living room at that moment, rapping something under his breath. He started laughing as he saw me, sitting on the floor, fumbling with the iPod and the headphones.

"Nice one, Dani!" he laughed, causing me to blush as I stood up.

"It's not my fault! My stupid sisters must have uploaded the rap songs onto my iPod! It startled me!" I defended myself, throwing the music device on the couch in disgust.

Jonah looked a bit confused. "You don't like rap?" he asked carefully, stretching out each word carefully.

I shook my head and gagged. "It's awful! Worst music in the world!"

Jonah looked slightly more angry than confused now, and he said, "Wait, so you don't like rap?"

"Hate it," I agreed, shaking my head solemnly.

I paused to think. "In fact, I'd say that it's probably the worst kind of music out there!"

That did it. Jonah snapped. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" he yelled.

I leaned into his face and pinched the bridge of my nose, just to irritate him more. In the high pitched squeaky voice I yelled, "I'M SAYING THAT RAP IS THE WORST MUSIC IN THE WORLD!"

I sat back on the couch as Jonah's face turned red. Then, he exploded out, "Thou jarring bat-fowling lout!"

Despite the obvious insult, I stifled a grin and watched in shock as Jonah yelled, "Thou fobbing pox-marked barnacle!

"Thou fobbing urchin-snouted moldwarp!"

"Thou vain urchin-snouted joithead!"

"Thou wayward boil-brained puttock!"

I froze as he stormed out of the room and frowned in confusion. "Did you just call me a buttock?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips. "Those be fighting words, boy!" I exclaimed in an accent that was supposed to sound country/ish.

I heard Jonah let out a strangled yell as he walked down the hallway to the Command Center, trying not to lose it.

That night while I was on my shift at the C.C.C, I had some free time. The Vespers had sent in no new news, so I went online to Google and searched up Shakespearean insults. A list popped up, and I noticed that some looked familiar.

As I scrolled down the list, I clicked on a few of the definitions, and read them with wide eyes.

"I didn't know that stuff like that wasn't censored!" I whispered, shell-shocked.

Ian walked in at that moment and said, "Aren't you supposed to be working?" in a snobbish voice. Yes, snobbish.

I glared daggers at him and looked at the screen. Then, I yelled, "Thou infectious earth-vexing flap-dragon!"

He took a startled step back and then laughed obnoxiously. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

With a triumphant smile, I pointed at the screen. He read it slowly, read it again, and then gasped.

"My God, show some self restraint!" Ian yelled, and backed out of the room.

I giggled lightly and grabbed my phone from the table, eager to do something. So, I went to my CliqueMe status and wrote: _I just called Ian an flap-dragon…I consider this a personal victory. I also was recently cursed out by my cuz' in Shakespeare talk. All in all, a pretty interesting day._

**Admit it! You laughed! Or smiled! Or had a mental image of you smiling! Or better yet, you had a mental image of Ian's face when I called him a flap-dragon, or Jonah's face when I asked him if he had just called me a buttock.**

**Hehe... This is why I loooooove Shakespeare!  
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**~Dani :D**


	10. Pretty in Blue

**Here is the next chapter! Oh, and in case you're wondering, I'm not actually this much of a jerk in real life. Sure, I am the ultimate pranker (ask anyone), but I cannot see people in pain. Even the commercials with the puppies in the shelters make me teary eyed. So anyhow, I hope no one thinks of me as a jerk.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the 39 Clues. Or CliqueMe.**

_Pretty in Blue_

"Shh, Amy, be quiet. You're obviously not skilled in the art of pranking," I whispered to Amy, opening the bedroom door without a sound.

"I'd agree with that. But, Dan is a really heavy sleeper," Amy told me.

Sinead piped up and said, "He is _so_ going to regret embarrassing you, Amy!"

I think Amy blushed, but it was hard to tell in the dim lighting.

"Totally!" I stage-whispered.

Sinead chuckled, remembering the incident.

Dan had done the un-forgivable. He had gotten an inkling to prank Amy, so he snuck into her room, and stole an article of clothing. An _unmentionable _article of clothing, which happened to be hot pink with yellow hearts all over it.

Then, he had hung it from the flagpole that had been outside the house.

Even after that, he had called the other guys, meaning Jonah, Hamilton, Evan, and Ian out to see it.

All of them except for Ian had fallen over laughing. Ian had decided to be the good guy, and had rushed into my room, telling me to get my backside outside to punish Daniel and the other gits. Well, that's what he called them.

I had rushed outside with Sinead and Amy, used our Tae Kwon Do skills to kick boy butt, and then threatened to do worse.

So now, Sinead and Amy and I were going to give Dan a bit of a surprise makeover.

Oh, and the best part of all this was seeing Amy's explosion in Evan's face when she had seen him laughing. "A good boyfriend would have come and told me, not let my friend!" and "I have half a mind not to let you help out today in the C.C.C.!" or better yet "Is this payback for me kissing Jake? Cause that is so immature!"

Ian and I had a good laugh over it from behind the door.

Anyway, so now we were in Dan's room, getting all of the makeup out of the bag.

"Okay, I'll be eye-duty, Amy, you can face, and Sinead, you can do lips and hair," I directed, pulling out my eyeliner.

We gave each other a devious smile, and then set to work.

I lightly applied the black eyeliner to under and around Dan's eyes, and coated the top in a generous amount of baby blue eye shadow.

Amy coated Dan's cheeks with a dark red blush and covered his freckled with foundation.

Sinead was busy putting some bright fuchsia lipstick on his lips, and then covering it with gloss. Then, she put a pink bow in his kinda long hair.

We stepped back and admired our work after Amy slipped a pink heart necklace over his head.

"He looks lovely in that eye shadow," I commented, trying not to burst out laughing.

Amy and Sinead nodded with smiles on their faces.

"Photo op?" I suggested, pulling out my camera.

Cue devious smiles. I clicked the picture and chuckled as I did so. "Yep, never again will he embarrass us."

We gave each other a silent high five and then crept out of his room.

What the others didn't know, however, was that I had something bigger planned. Even though it was like, one in the morning or something, I pulled my laptop out, uploaded the picture, and then pulled up my CliqueMe page.

Just as I was about to upload it, I realized that this may not be enough.

"What more could I possibly do?" I wondered in amusement. Then, I had it.

The only thing better would be to make it seem as though Dan had done it on purpose! I logged out of my page and clicked the LOGIN button.

I just sat there for awhile and thought to myself. Then, I tried, SALADIN. Nothing.

AMYISANERD I typed in, and waited. Nope, nothing.

I tried about fifteen passwords. By the time it said that I only had one more chance or it would lock me out for good, I was about ready to throw the computer at the door and yell, "SCREW IT!"

Finally, I tried IHATEIAN. Much to my surprise, the page opened up. He had a couple of messages from his friends, but I ignored them and clicked on UPLOAD PICTURE.

Then, trying not to smile _too _evilly, I uploaded the picture and made the description: _I let the girls do my makeup! Don't I look gorgeous?_

And then, just for good measure, I added: _And my cousin Dani is awesome!_

I didn't try to hold back my evil grin as I closed the laptop, got in bed, and thought _I cannot wait to see his reaction!_

"Dani! Dani! Wake up!"

"Huh? Wassumatter?" I mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Amy and Sinead came into focus. Amy's face looked to be in awe, but Sinead just looked astounded.

They shared a look, and a shocked smile, and then Amy said, "How did you hack his account?"

I grinned, realizing that they had seen the picture. "I've told you hundreds of times over that I'm psychic. I can read minds, and Dan's mind was screaming his password."

Sinead rolled her eyes disbelievingly and said, "Dani, there is very little scientific evidence that pyschokinsesis actually exists."

"Yeah, well there's no scientific evidence that a serum exists that could make a person the most important person in the world, but look where we are," I pointed out.

Sinead frowned and said nothing, but I noticed that she seemed to move to the side a bit.

I grinned even wider, channeling my evil alter ego. And yes, I had practiced my evil grin. You never know when you need to intimidate someone!

Suddenly, there was a shout from down the hall. "WHAT THE-!" I heard Dan yell from his room.

We all looked at each other, and then simultaneously got up and ran to his room. Dan was standing in front of the mirror he had hanging on his wall, scrubbing off the makeup we had done.

When he turned to us, half of it had been scrubbed off, so it looked really funny.

"DANI!" he shouted. "How could you do this to your partner in crime?"

I felt a small pang at his accusing stare, but I shook it off. "You embarrassed Amy! You deserve more than this, and you got it."

He raised a questioning eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

All of a sudden, his computer pinged from the table by his bed, and I grinned. "Was that not the sound of a message from CliqueMe?" I asked innocently.

Dan gave me a curious look, and walked over to his computer, his eyes never leaving mine. I just smiled sweetly.

Amy and Sinead both shared a laugh, but I remained in character. As Dan looked at his message, a look of confusion crossed his face.

"Nice eye shadow? What?" Then, he noticed the picture.

He blushed scarlet and then turned back at me.

I just turned and skipped out the room. "Paaaaayyybaaackk!" I sang as I jumped out the door.

**So, there you have it! Only one more chapter, I think, but i may just continue it because so many people seem to like it. And it's so much fun to write!**

**~Dani :D**


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